Confronting Bad Behavior The Liberal Way


By: Edward L. Daley

I think I’ve come up with a foolproof plan to end crime in America, and I have liberalism to thank for it. It consists of disbanding every police unit in the country and encouraging the United Nations Security Council to draft a binding resolution that places strict sanctions on domestic criminals who continue to break the law.

How do I know this will work? Well, I can’t be 100% positive that it will, but most people in the world support that very same plan when it comes to dealing with the problem of international terrorism, and everyone knows that the majority is never wrong, so it only makes sense that such a strategy would be effective when applied to U.S. domestic crime prevention.

Practically every left-leaning society on earth, as well as every major mainstream news agency, has concluded that fighting bad guys doesn’t work, and in fact, even attempting to stop them from committing antisocial acts only incites them to behave more objectionably later on. Just take a look at the current conflict in Lebanon. For the past couple of weeks, Israel has been viciously attacking members of Hezbollah, but is France, Spain, Russia, China, the BBC, CNN, or the New York Times congratulating the Israelis for their efforts? Of course not, because they all understand that only a ceasefire will bring peace to the region.

Now, I know what some of you right-wing warmongers out there are saying: if Israel agrees to a ceasefire, they’re the only ones who will actually cease firing, since it’s the job of terrorist groups like Hezbollah to attack people, just like it’s the job of rapists to rape women. Well, all I have to say to that is POPPYCOCK! Apparently you’ve forgotten that violence begets violence, and it is therefore only logical that if we treat Islamic militants with compassion and understanding, they’ll respond in kind.

The same goes for outlaws in our own country, but instead of sending international peacekeeping delegations to criminal hotspots like Detroit and Washington DC, and engaging in honest and open dialogue with inner-city street gangs, America’s fascist law enforcement agencies insist upon arresting and otherwise oppressing these poor, underprivileged people for simply committing crimes.

When are we going to learn that harassing our fellow human beings isn’t going to make them behave? Everyone but a few neanderthal Republicans appreciates the fact that spanking children when they act up only foments resentment in them, lowers their self-esteem, and makes them more aggressive than they were before. Thankfully, the concept of the “time-out” has gained wide acceptance in our society, and the barbaric disciplinary tactics that our parents and grandparents employed may soon be a thing of the past.

But I seem to have wandered off the beaten path here.

Getting back to the issue of crime prevention in America, I think it would also be a good idea to allow a few felons currently languishing in prison cells across the land to be released so that they can run for national public office. Clearly the convicted criminal community does not have the sort of representation in Congress that other Constitutionally protected groups enjoy, and I’m sure the ACLU would agree that this state of affairs amounts to blatant civil rights violations on the part of the Bush administration.

After all, Hezbollah holds nearly two dozen seats in the Lebanese Parliament, and its Palestinian counterpart is now controlled by representatives of Hamas. If these sovereign, albeit embryonic, democracies can extend the hand of inclusion and cooperation to those factions which some consider to be undesirable, why can’t we? It seems to me that this sort of approach to societal pacification is far more enlightened than the one we’ve taken in the past, which is to brutalize people who’s actions offend us in some way.

Ya know, I’ve been a conservative for as long as I can remember, and I’ve never before questioned the righteousness of my ideology, but over the past few days I’ve started to notice just how right liberals are when they say that right-wingers are mostly narrow-minded, hate-filled cretins, who pray for war and the death of innocent people… especially foreigners.

Now that I’ve seen the light, so to speak, I have decided to commit myself to the proposition that people are not only created equal, but that each individual remains equal to everyone else throughout his or her life, no matter what he or she does. This I recognize to be true because I have accepted at face value its foundational principle that morality is relative. Of course, I could be wrong but if I am, at least I can feel good about myself for having chosen non-violent means to achieve a hideous end for our society, and really, isn’t that the most important thing?

By Edward L. Daley
Founder of the Conservative Convention 2007 Project
http://cc2007.us

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