It’s Time to Make a Deal with Osama bin Laden!

By: John Lillpop

Owing to the fact that far too much blood is being shed in the war on terror, I say it is time to make a deal with Osama bin Laden and Al-Qaeda. Let’s work to end the hostilities and bring our troops home.

Here is my opening bid to OBL,Inc.: America will give Al-Qaeda all “Blue” states except California, the Clinton Memorial Library, including the “What Is Is?” reference section, and all 20 million illegal aliens currently squatting in America.

Actually, once illegal aliens are deported to caves in Afghanistan, California will automatically revert to being a “Red” state where English will again be understood in restaurants, car washes, the Department of Motor Vehicles, liquor stores, hospital emergency rooms, and social service centers.

In exchange, Osama agrees to switch his voter registration from Democrat to independent, and further agrees not to kidnap Howard Dean or vote for Hillary Clinton in 2008. We conservatives need Howard Dean around in order to remain the majority party.

If Osama balks at this offer, America can throw in the federal Department of Education, the ACLU, Nancy Pelosi’s personal, full-time plastic surgeon, and Michael J. Fox himself to close the deal.

As a famous Islamic intellectual surely must have observed 1,400 years ago, “With infidels, you can negotiate anything!”

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