Using Liberalism to Celebrate Ramadan
By: John Lillpop
Islamâ€™s holy season of Ramadan is not well understood by most Americans. Christmas is a perfect time to learn about Islam and Ramadan and to educate the unwashed masses as to the wonders of the â€œReligion of Peace.â€
The test below will measure your liberal quotient on Islam, and will sharpen your liberal perspective just in time for Xmas:
( ) Was an Islamic religious ritual thousands of years before being commercialized as a national hotel chainâ€”Ramada Innâ€”by greedy America capitalists.
( ) Is not covered by the constitutional separation of church and state because our founding fathers were all Christian Caucasiansâ€”AKA infidels.
( ) Should be observed by non-Muslims, especially obese Americans who need daily fasting just before pigging out at Thanksgiving and Christmas.
( ) Should be a paid, month-long national holiday for union labor and all Democrat operatives with proven liberal credentials.
( ) Specifically identifies G.W. Bush as an alcoholic dyslexic and the anti-Allah.
( ) Is available on CD at Democratic National Committee headquarters.
( ) Should be required reading in K-12 to promote religious diversity and sensitivity, and to offset Judeo-Christian propaganda in the Bible.
( ) Calls for Iranâ€™s Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Venezuelaâ€™s Hugo Chavez to join forces in combating that â€œevil-doerâ€ G.W. Bush.
( ) Are spiritual sanctuaries reserved for holy communion with Allah, except when being used to plan nuclear attacks on the United States or Israel.
( ) Are managed by skilled curators who are experts in certifying Islamic axes for beheading infidels.
( ) Must never be used to store weapons or ammunition except during time of war. Because of infidels, Islam has always been, and will always be, at war.
( ) Must be attended for Friday prayer, except for the faithful who attend mosques destroyed by suicide bombers. (Notice: No fair blowing up a mosque just to get out of Friday prayer!)
The practice of rewarding martyrs with 72 virgins:
( ) Makes far more sense that the Christian myth about a virgin giving birth to a Jew who had come to save the world.
( ) Assures that Allah will always have a large contingent of dedicated, virile young men eager to give their very lives for the righteous cause of Islam.
( ) Proves that Christians who promote abstinence are extremists who do not understand spirituality in this life nor the one to follow!
( ) Is proof that welfare reform without a commitment to government- sponsored vocational training is a failed Republican idea.
So how did you do? Are you ready for some Ramadan?