Poisonous Pelosi Incurs a Promotion

By: Amy Barath

Poisonous Pelosi began her reign as Speaker of Our House by morphing herself into a cross between Little Red Riding Hood and the Wicked Witch of the West. She traveled domestically in her red cape, threatening Republicans with the words, “now the Democrats are in charge.” With baited breath we waited for the ruby red slipper to fall, but all we received was the usual whining of one liberal complaint after another. Astute conservatives understood her gibberish:

I’ll get you Mr. Bush, and your foreign policy, too.

Just a few short weeks ago, Poisonous Pelosi sent herself on a trip to Damascus (on our dime) in order to have a heart to heart talk with Syrian dictator Bashar Assad. In infamous liberal fashion, Nancy opened a dialogue. Sporting a schmatte on her head she and Mr. Assad had tea as they discussed Peace in the Middle East or, more to the point, carving Israel into Pieces.

Poisonous Pelosi returned to America with demonic news:

The road to peace leads through Damascus!

Her metamorphosis complete, Nancy assumed the persona of the nanny from The Omen, her sole mission being to nurture the devil and assist him in taking over our world, first stop—the annihilation of Israel.

Not being a procrastinator, the devil—Mr. Assad—after apparently a very successful dialogue with Poisonous Pelosi (according to her reports) announced on Wednesday that Syria is ready for a war with Israel. Assad told the Arabic news daily Dar Al- Hayat that “Syria grows stronger every day” and that Israel is a “bitter enemy.”

According to Syrian Information Minister Mohsen Bilal, “If Israel rejects the Arab Leagues peace (piece) proposal, resistance will be the only way to liberate the Golan Heights.”

Good work, Nancy. Where are the recorded transcripts of your conversation with Mr. Assad? You know, the recorded transcripts, similar to the ones you’re demanding from Attorney General of the United States Alberto Gonzales. Must you force us to subpoena them? It’s very suspicious that only a short time after your dialogue with a member of the Axis of Evil—Mr. Assad—he feels confident in announcing to the world that:

Syria is preparing for war against Israel.

Where is the backlash from Republicans? Where is the outcry, the demand for Madame Pelosi to be compelled before the Congressional Committee to explain herself—under oath—under penalty of perjury; exactly what on earth did she promise the devil? Did she willfully defy the foreign policy of the United States of America? Is she guilty of anything—treason, disobeying a direct order from the President, poor judgment? Anything at all? Shouldn’t she be sanctioned? Spanked? Sent to her room? How about a time out? Or is our country just a free-for-all for elected officials to play in? A congressional Disneyland of sorts; the higher up on the power ladder you climb, the more E tickets you acquire. (For those of you who haven’t visited Disneyworld, the coveted E ticket allows you to experience the best, most expensive and valued rides in the park like—The Haunted Mansion—where the nanny from The Omen resides).

Poisonous Pelosi has fastened her seat belt on the amusement park ride called: The Power To Set Foreign Policy. Sworn to uphold the White House ban on meeting with Syrian government officials, Nancy decided she’d violate that oath. What the heck, she’s the first female Speaker of the House in US history and she’ll do what she wants! Remember:

The Democrats are in charge.

First, she enjoyed a quick bumper stop meeting to discuss Syrian piece concerns with Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert. Evidently, Poisonous Pelosi was not able to comprehend the English language over the clamor of the liberal rantings which live inside her head, causing her to mis-hear (that’s intentionally disregard to you and me) Mr. Olmert’s words regarding Syria’s version of what the word peace actually means.

After her meeting in Israel, she fastened her schmatte and coasted into Syria. Proudly, she announced to Mr. Assad– “Israel is ready to engage in peace talks.” Hearing problems selectively abounding in this part of the world, Mr. Assad understood her words as—piece— talks. He further believed that since Madame Pelosi is an official of the United States government that she was merely delivering a message from President Bush. A fair assumption, one must admit.

As fast as one can say—Poisonous Pelosi—President Assad announced that if Israel does not give up the Golan Heights (piece talk), Syria will attack Israel.

Is this a threat we should take seriously? According to Likud member Israel Katz, “The Syrians are planning a terror attack in the Golan heights in the summer and are building fortifications to prevent Israel from defending itself…”

Missile expert Uzi Rubin described a military site in Syria where chemical warheads are stored. “The Scud D can hit any point in Israel from the furthermost point in Syria near the Iraqi border,” Rubin said.

Great work Nancy, it looks like your dialogue with Mr. Assad has given him the confidence and impetus to implement his version of a Piece Plan with Israel.

A question to my fellow American Jews: are you still going to pull every lever in the voting booth which sports a candidate’s name with the letter (D) after it?

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