USA Pounds Mexico–In Soccer! Viva America!
By: John Lillpop
In what must surely be a good omen concerning the fate of amnesty in the U.S. Senate, the United States outsmarted and outplayed Mexico to win the Gold Cup, the championship of North and Central America and the Caribbean.
The match, played in Chicago, was won by the Americans by a 2-1 margin.
A summary of the game was FAXED to all 100 United States Senators to remind them of America’s superiority in soccer and of the urgent need to keep it that way.
The following cover letter was included:
Dear Senator __________:
Heard the great news from Chicago today?
The United States extended its utter and complete dominance over Mexico in world soccer play. The “good guys” throttled the bad ones 2-1, in a thrilling contest with particular relevance in today’s heated debate about amnesty for criminals.
The salient point, senator, is that amnesty would dump 12-30 million additional potential soccer players into the U.S.
However, most illegal aliens are incapable of abandoning their emotional ties to third world Mexico, and cannot be trusted to defend the Red, White, and Blue.
Therefore, in the best interest of continued U.S. dominance in the critical world of soccer, I urge you to vote NO! against cloture and NO! against amnesty, should it make it to the senate floor.
There is an overarching truth and principle involved here:
We don’t need no stinkin’ Mexicans to win at soccer!