America, Can We Talk?

By: Leigh Patrick Sullivan

Mind if we have a bit of a chat? I know you are currently a little busy, what with the constant threat of a repeat of 9/11 and having to deal with Nancy Pelosi as Speaker, but there are a few things that I think you need to know.

First of all, please – please! – don’t let what is happening in Canada happen to you. The flickering sign of some sort of sanity that appeared when we finally elected a national Conservative government has been doused by a growing public opposition to our fight against the Taliban in Afghanistan.

Each week a new poll is released that shows evaporating support for Canada’s fight in the War on Terror. (I must stress: not all of us up here are losing our minds and our balls. Many of us understand that the New War started in September of 2001, and completely believe that we must fight them now.)

With each fallen soldier’s body that is gratuitously shown on the evening news the cry to pull our troops out grows louder. A group of leftist French-Canadians from Quebec who don’t believe in fighting – French who roll over instead of fighting? Who would have seen that one? – wrote letters to Quebec-based soldiers urging them to refuse the Afghan mission. And people wonder why I’m not more ‘patriotic’.

Stay in Afghanistan until the job is done. Even if your ‘allies’ abandon you.

Which brings me to the issue of your next President. We get a lot of anti-Bush vibe up here from our own media, let alone what we see down there. Yes, the Iraq war has been incredibly divisive, and Bush will most likely be known for that like Clinton was known for his taste in ugly women.

I see how you were so disillusioned that you put the Democrats in charge of your government. I hope you see the errors of your ways by now, of course…. All I ask is, before you make your decision, stop for a minute. Think about your choice. After all, you could have easily had Al Gore as your Prez when the terrorists hit. How’s THAT for a shudder…?

Finally my American friends, don’t forget about us long-time suffering Canucks who actually like you folks. Generally, we are called ‘Albertans’. We have a large community of ex-pat Americans. But, we stand like an island in our own country.

You should understand that you aren’t too popular up here. Seriously, I could run naked down the center of downtown Toronto with my hair on fire while spraying air freshener in my eyes and screaming like an escaped inmate, and I wouldn’t get as many dirty looks than if I was seen wearing a USA hoodie – which I do, just to test my theory. No, I haven’t tested the naked/hair fire thing yet.

Anyway, I wish you all the best. For all of our bitching, you really haven’t been that bad of a neighbor over the past few centuries, even when you had every right to be. (Sorry again for William Shatner.)

Rants from the Moderate Seperatist

About The Author Leigh Patrick Sullivan:
The Moderate Separatist

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