I Must be from Krypton!


By: Guest Authors

by: Jack L. Key

Modern day tales of woe, horrible everyday products that will kill us, constant recalls of everything from toys to bad food to autos, and the new threats of population wipe-outs by global warming and a nuclear armed Iran threaten us on a daily basis. Rising seas, melting ice caps and brain-eating amoebae that lie in our lakes and swimming pools are just some of the perils of the 21st century that bombard us.

Women’s health is tended to like never before, there are shots and vaccinations for everything from runny nose to typhus epidemics, and we reattach severed limbs with ease. For many, stem cells have replaced religion as potential sources of everlasting life.

Hurricanes destroy cities that have existed for hundreds of years, and tsunamis level whole countries in Asia. Men go to the moon and back, but we can’t stop our history from being rewritten by TV producers, newspaper reporters, Ivy League academics and PBS “historians”. Even politicians try to influence others in public bathrooms with cheap shoe tricks and stall wall tapping.

I must be Superman to have survived all that and made it to here.

I’ve lived through 12 presidents, and might see the magic 13 next year. I was born before 1940, TV, contact lenses, Frisbees and THE PILL. Pizza, men with earrings, Macdonalds and instant coffee were unheard of. Gas was 15 cents a gallon, and you could make a phone call, buy a Pepsi or postage stamp for a nickel. It also took a boy and girl in the rumble seat to make a baby–not in a test tube–and it was much more fun.

My God, I am old–and somehow invulnerable.

I came through World War II on the home front unscathed. But when it ended I was 9 and delivering newspapers, collecting scrap metal and weeding Victory Gardens. I remember how scared we were after Pearl Harbor, and the many sacrifices of our men as well. Ditto with Korea when I was in high school. I even played football then without a facemask–and with black high toppers. Just like Johnny U.!

In 1953 Marilyn Monroe’s Nude Calendar surfaced for the first time. Everyone discovered hot blondes and bombshells. Sir Edmund Hillary (no relation to Mrs.C.) climbed Everest also for the first time that year and we suffered our first (of several) global warming scares. He said the ice and snow was melting at the summit 29,000+ feet up. Marilyn denied everything.

Was Al Gore born then?

Later I made it through 27 missions in the U.S. Navy flying aircraft over the Atlantic during the Cold War and searching for Soviet subs. Then I survived the myths, mayhem and murders of the 1960′s. Which in turn spawned the myths, mayhem and murders of today. Vietnam showed us never to trust politicians to run a war. Politicians of the ’70′s gave us 50,000 military deaths in a smelly and worthless little country about the size of a cattle ranch in Texas and exposed a whole generation for what
we had become.

Where did you go, Joe DiMaggio?

To sum up, I was a child before lead paint became outlawed, baby cribs were sturdy, made of wood (in the USA) and baby formula was mother’s milk. I survived grade school without busing, high school without sex-starved teachers hitting on me, college without grass or smack or coke addiction and a later divorce without descending into abstract poverty.

The socialism introduced by FDR in 1934 ended the great depression, but his infrastructure projects like TVA and his ponzi scheme of social security has come back to haunt us all (see Hillary C. and her own socialist schemes). Military and political mistakes made in Korea and Vietnam are now being repeated in Iraq and Afghanistan. Our second Pearl Harbor, better known as 9/11, has gone unavenged.

The President has tried. But Eisenhower, McArthur, Patton, Bradley, Nimitz and Halsey are all dead now.

Reid, Pelosi, Murtha, Feingold, Clinton, Obama and the democratic Congress as a whole lack the intestinal fortitude, sense of outrage, leadership and determination to avenge the horrors of 2001. Instead they attack the republicans and the troops, harass the President for “Mr. Bush’s War” and blame the CIA instead of Osama Bin Laden and his Muslim cronies for the 3,000 innocent American murders in 3 separate attacks that day.

Where is our “greatest generation” of today hiding?

Smoking tobacco publicly was outlawed in my state of Tennessee effective this week, and Gov. Arnold S. has previously approved smoking Pot for “medicinal use” in California. The Iranian loose cannon leader made a fool of Columbia U. and the U.N. recently but Howard Dean indicated it was Bush’s fault. Moveon.org blamed it on Gen. Petraus, however.

Are we in Pleasantville yet?

We’re told the sky is too crowded, we’re running out of fossil fuels, corn won’t work and nuclear won’t pass muster. Add to that the freeways are too narrow to handle the traffic on just 12 lanes, air conditioning is kaput due to stealing of the copper pipe for meth money, and the atmosphere is filled with deathly carbon monoxide. Not even a man of steel can overcome all this and survive. Superman who?

When’s the next rocket back to Krypton?



Jack L. Key is a freelance writer, published author and staff writer for the New Media Alliance. He may be reached at jockdoc@localnet.com

New Media Alliance Television (www.nmatv.com)

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