Surviving Liberalism During the Holidays: A 12-Step Program for Recovering Liberals
By: John Lillpop
Surviving liberalism and the holidays without drugs and alcohol can be a formidable task. Mind you, it is possible, provided one has a strong recovery program and a vast right wing conspiracy to lean on for moral support.
The 12-step program for Liberals Anonymous (LA) follows:
Step 1: Admitted to being powerless over insane, illogical, and anti-American thinking spawned by liberalism which has made America unmanageable.
Step 2: Came to believe that a power greater than the combined forces of the DNC and the mainstream media could restore sanity to America.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of social and fiscal conservatives for restoration of traditional family values and common decency.
4. Made a searching and fearless inventory of all liberals who must be removed from office, or prevented from securing elective office.
5. Admitted to ourselves and, everyone else who would listen, the exact nature of wrongs committed by liberals.
6. Were entirely ready to have conservative candidates remove all defective characters (liberals) from political office.
7. Humbly worked to remove liberals from elective offices in all local, state, and federal jurisdictions.
8. Made a list of all American patriot groups harmed by liberals and became willing to make amends to them all by:
* Winning the war on terror;
* Lowering taxes;
* Outlawing abortion;
* Restoring prayer in public schools;
* Amending the U.S. Constitution to reflect the fact that marriage is a holy sacrament between one man and one woman only, and to repeal the 16th Amendment;
* Outlawing deficit spending and gun control;
* Ending affirmative action, diversity training, and PC brainwashing;
* Pulling the plug on wasteful programs dealing with non-existent global warming;
* Making English Only the law of the land;
* Reversing all decisions by activist judges which forbid public displays of the nativity scene, Christmas trees, the Ten Commandments, the Cross and other symbols of Christianity;
* Dissolving the Department of Education and replacing it with the Department of Home Schooling;
* Eliminating welfare and food stamp programs;
* Reinstating the death penalty, including execution methods which cause condemned killers to suffer great and long-lasting pain;
* Nominating only conservative judges whom have been vetted by Supreme Court Justices Thomas and Scalia;
* Securing the southern border with 160,000 armed troops;
* Invading Mexico and seizing that nation’s oil to compensate American taxpayers for public services stolen by 38 million Mexican illegal aliens squatting in the U.S.; and
* Reversing illegal immigration through mass deportations.
9. Made direct amends to all such patriot groups wherever possible, except when to do so would cause them to register and or vote for Democrats.
10. Continued to take inventory of all liberals and when they were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through talk radio and blogging to improve public acceptance of conservative values as we understand them, and to improve our conscious contact with eligible voters everywhere, seeking only to win the White House and conservative majorities in both chambers of the U.S. Congress in order to have the power to advance the conservative vision for America.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to all legal voters, and to practice these conservative principles in all our affairs.
To those too weak to adhere to this simple program, LA recommends that the suffering liberal either take up smoking or excessive eating until the urge to think like a liberal passes.
Remember, even though liberalism is a severe mental disorder, it too shall pass!