Democratic Primaries–Sodom Versus Gomorrah

By: Guest Authors

by Paul Zannucci

In attempting to wrap my fog-riddled brain around the nomination process now being employed to great…er…confusion by the Democrats, it occurred to me that I didn’t have a clue as to which one I should be pulling for. As someone who probably will regurgitate and cast a vote for McCain at the same time, I suppose it didn’t seem important enough to me to really think through whom McCain was most likely to defeat in November; or, as is quite possibly the case, which Democrat candidate I would prefer as president if McCain loses.

The difficulty is that both candidates make my eyes go wide with…something. It’s like choosing between Sodom and Gomorrah. Since Barack Obama has found justification for gay unions in the Sermon on the Mount, we’ll let him be Sodom. I still haven’t figured out his interpretation, by the way, but any time a politician has half the country flipping through the New Testament, it can’t be a bad thing. Perhaps he was reading from The New California Living Translation, which translates the Greek into “The Sermon About the Mount.” Anyway, I know he couldn’t have been confused and actually talking about the Qur’an since, as we learned from Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, they don’t have those sorts of people over there, which explains why there is no Iranian version of Broadway. If you’re ever coming out of the Tehran Falafel Hut after a meal, don’t even bother looking for a good show to round off the evening. It’s just not going to happen…

So that would make Hillary the other one, Gomorrah, which as we know from the Bible…well, we don’t really know anything about Gomorrah, which is one of the criticisms being leveled about Hillary, that she’s a very secretive candidate. I can’t criticize her for that given how many people would like to see her arrested. It’s a simple matter of self-preservation. Plus, Gomorrah is a more feminine name, with sort of a nutty undertone and a queasy finish. Works for me.

So that leaves us with the big question: If God gave you the choice of which candidate to rain fire and brimstone upon, who would you pick? Try not to let your brain linger over the image; it’s unseemly. Well, okay, think about it for awhile, but then try to come up with an answer. It’s not easy.

Getting rid of Obama would potentially alienate the inspired youths, those wide-eyed idealists who haven’t figured out that every politician, no matter how clean and clever, is a professional liar trying to buy their vote, either with ridiculous, utopian imagery, or with outright cash (various forms: from extra entitlements to extra tax cuts). There’s also the possibility of alienating the African American constituency depending upon how Hillary wins the nomination. If it comes down to Super-Delegates at the convention, you can kiss that voting block good-bye.

As for laying waste to Gomorrah, I suppose that getting rid of Hillary could potentially alienate the feminist or the Hispanic populations……..Well, just being honest, it’s hard to imagine anyone being miffed by an absence of Hillary. It could happen, I guess, but that tends to make me lean the other way. Let’s annihilate Sodom.

Of course, getting rid of Obama means you’re left with Gomorrah, I mean, Hillary, as a potential president. Some say that her presence would really inspire the Republican base to come out and win the election in November. Personally, I find both Hillary and Obama equally inspiring, but that’s what they say. What would a Hillary presidency be like? Well, we survived Bill’s, so we’ll survive hers, and Obama’s would be much the same. Likely, it would usher in a new period of Republican control over both houses of congress in 2010, and government would continue eating away at our liberties at the usual rate. No great big deal. On the other hand, I don’t expect the Democrats to waste their opportunity to set the agenda as the Republicans did. Expect as much legislation to get rammed through as possible in 2009 and 2010. Records may be endangered. Of course, it’s going to be tough to top the creation of the Department of Homeland Security and the Patriot Act, but I’m sure they’ll give it a go.

Then there is the third option. God could miss them both, and they might form a presidential ticket. Now I’m really in a reflective mood. I think I’ll crawl over to the corner and think about that one for a minute. In the meantime, I’ll leave you with my opinion that Obama would not sign on for second fiddle…I think.

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