Love Your Special Needs Government

By: Guest Authors

By:Paul Zannucci

According to an article on, “a resolution welcoming and honoring Pope Benedict XVI to Washington hit a temporary rough patch on the way to its eventual approval — and the rough patch involved the always-nuclear topic of abortion.”

So the Pope is on his way and, first of all, we find it necessary to pass a resolution welcoming him. This is about as useful as government gets. Hopefully they’ll address “National Toilet Paper Square Day” next. But let’s put this into practical perspective.

The next time your phone rings, get everyone in your family together for a vote on whether or not to pick up the phone and say, “Hello.” If anyone in your house doesn’t agree that you need a vote, you can’t answer the phone. If everyone agrees you need a vote, you’ll need to get a majority to say “yay,” otherwise you’ll just have to let it ring (We all know the answering machine has picked up by this time anyway: “If this is the Pope, leave a message.”).

Then we have the problem behind why the resolution was delayed. Per the article, the “offensive” language was, “Whereas Pope Benedict XVI has spoken out for the weak and vulnerable, witnessing to the value of each and every human life.” Of course, Democrats, who don’t consider fetuses to be “life”, saw this line and could only think about dead babies, thus “refusing to answer the phone” because of previous arguments regarding abortion. They are like an ex-wife who constantly makes nonsensical segues during conversation for the sole purpose of shrieking at you.

To be fair, there was another section concerning the separation of church and state that was argued over. After all, we’re welcoming the Pope. What we really need to do is drag all our dirty laundry into the thing. Though I haven’t read this resolution, which likely rivals the U.S. Constitution, this “church-and-state” statement probably preceded the one declaring that the Pope had never bailed out a financial institution, which was right before the thirty-four page section on universal health care.

They eventually passed the welcome with altered language. There was no response, that I’m aware of, from the Pope, but I like to picture some congressional page delivering this under the congressional seal, and the Pope, after glancing at it for a moment, declaring for the first time in his life, “What the hell?” That’s pretty much the only response, other than a dirtier one, that a person of average sanity could offer. Just another finger paint project from your special needs government.

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