LET THEM EAT SOY!
By: John Lillpop
South Los Angeles is notorious for poverty, crime, illegal aliens, and unhealthy food served at fast food flophouses.
Which is why the LA City Council may step in by imposing a moratorium on new fast-food joints in the poorest part of town, where a seven course meal often consists of a greasy taco and a six pack of Mexican beer!
Like all muddled socialists, meddling City Council members claim they are only acting to protect the people.
Translated that means that City Council know-it-alls believe that everyday folk in South Los Angeles are too stupid to realize that their diets reek of unhealthy levels of salt, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates, and other no-no ingredients.
According to these bleeding heart elitists, consumption of fast foods can lead to obesity, heart disease, diabetes, and other complications that poor people without health insurance simply cannot afford.
Given this preemptive strike by do-gooders with too much time on their hands, perhaps locals, or locos to be more exact, should be forced to stuff their faces with Soy products rather than rice, beans, and refried hamburger?
What is that you say? Soy-based foods, from miso soup and tofu to soy burgers, can significantly reduce a man’s sperm count?
Which could mean less overpopulation from the unwashed masses who haunt South LA?
That settles it! Take out the Taco Bell and El Pollo Loco joints, and replace them with Soy and tofu burger drive-ins!