Governor Palin Shares Success Secrets With Hillary Rodham

By: John Lillpop

As a result of some highly illegal mucking with phone lines, this intrepid seeker of truth was able to record a private conversation between failed presidential aspirant Hillary Clinton and the megastar of American politics, the miraculous Governor Sarah Palin.

The transcript of that conversation follows:


Oh, good evening, Governor Palin, this is Hillary Clinton. Is it OK if I call you Sarah?

Governor Palin:

Hillary who?

Actually, I would feel more comfortable if you called me governor, at least until we get to know each other. Got to be on the watch for liberals on a “gotcha” mission you know?


Thanks, Sarah. I need your help in figuring out what is happening in American politics. Can you take a minute to help a fellow woman out?

Governor Palin:

Fellow woman? You must be looking for Barney Frank, love.


No, Sarah, this is a serious question. You see, I have been running for the presidency since 1973 and the Nixon impeachment hearings. Until recently, I was considered inevitable and everyone assumed that I would be the 44th president.

Sarah, I have raised $200 million dollars for this battle. I won 18 million votes during the primaries. Damn, I am, or was, hot!

Governor Palin:

Not to be rude, Mrs. William Jefferson Clinton, but can you please get to the point? Several hundred thousand voters in Michigan are expecting me and Todd, and I still have to feed our precious human baby, pray for the repeal of Roe V. Wade, and get ready!


Sarah, my point is that I am an experienced, savvy, powerful senator from a blue state, married to a former president. I have big bucks and all the corruption money can buy.

My favorite number is 44!

And yet, here I sit with this perjuring weasel and his cheating, weak heart while you catapult over me and that black kid with all those Muslim names.

How is it that a moose hunter from Alaska with a knocked-up teenage daughter and a slick wink, but no money, can make a world class genius like me look an over the hill, out of touch aging feminist-nazi?

No offense intended, you understand!

Governor Palin:

Me offended? Those are the kindest words to come my way all week!

Listen, Mrs. William Jefferson Clinton. Is it OK if I call you bitch?

Because that is what you are and is why your disapproval ratings are higher than Dubya’s IQ!

Woman, you need to clean up your public image.


Sarah, being called a bitch is the kindest thing anyone has said about me in a week. But what do I do to change my image?

Governor Palin:

Here’s the secret to my success in politics and life. His name is Thomas Muthee and he is a very powerful preacher who “de-witched” me in a religious ceremony a few years ago.


Thomas Muthee, eh? Think he could he “de-witch” me and remove all these wretched wrinkles in one session?

Governor Palin:

I doubt it. Muthee is one hell of a preacher, but a miracle worker he is NOT!

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