The Messiah and the Sheik

By: Eddie Clements

A Christian, an Islamofascist, and a Hare Krishna all wanted to go bowling. The Islamofascist turned to the Hare Krishna and says, “Let’s cut off the infidel’s head and use it for a ball.” The horrified Hare Krishna says, “But that would violate all my beliefs!” So the Islamofascist turns to the Christian and says, “Let’s cut off the infidel’s head and use it for a ball.” The Christian says “You just wanted to cut off MY head!” The Islamofascist says “Yeah, but the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Besides, his head is already shaved!”

Okay, so it’s more gruesome than funny. But it says that Islamofascists will use any alliances possible to achieve their goals. There are many fine people in the world, across all religions, cultures, and nations. There are relatively few bad ones, but a few bad apples can spoil the whole barrel.

The threat posed by Islamofascists, led by such luminaries as Osama Bin Laden, and their ultimate goal, is to destroy everything opposed to their philosophy, which is derived from their particular reading of the Koran. Such goals are diametrically opposed to all other organizing principles, including capitalism, socialism, democracy, social-democracy…any –ism, -ist or –cy you can think of. We may not all agree on the best organizing principle, but we tend to want to influence and negotiate rather than completely destroy.

Islamofascism is the forgotten man in the recent struggles with the financial crisis, which has apparently spread throughout all countries whose financial companies bought lousy U.S., Congressman Barney Frank-inspired paper and its derivatives. You can bet the farm, equity-lossed though it may be, that Bin Laden and his henchman are looking for ways to take advantage of it. A separate bet can be made that they will find it. Hey, isn’t a separate bet what a “hedge fund” is?

Barack Obama, whose first name means The Messiah Whose Middle Name Is Unspeakable, probably means to “negotiate” Bin Laden out of the hills. He must think this is the modern-day version of the Hatfield’s and the McCoy’s. The result will likely more closely resemble the Munich meeting between Neville Chamberlain and Adolph Hitler.

As I understand, diplomacy isn’t too different from making a really big business deal. You want something, so in consideration, you offer the other guy something he wants in return. Supposedly, Lyndon Johnson was said to have remarked that he could end this Vietnam thing if he could just sit down with Ho Chi Minh and make a deal! Johnson’s conduct of that war indicated he didn’t understand someone committed to an idea, odd for the Lord of the Senate and the consummate politician.

If anyone understands an ideologue, it is surely the Senator from Illinois, socialist sympathizer and healer. But in the face of a man who will cut another man’s head off over a difference of opinion, what is likely is that Obama will give away the store, the sign, and free advertising to the illusive Sheik and receive “peace” in return. He will return to a fanfare of triumph from an obsequious press, beaming “Peace in our time”. Extortion payments will be periodically expected, and violence will resume when the payments are not on time. Can anyone say “West Bank” or Lebanon”?

What might the mighty Sheik demand other than cash (in Euros, please, or maybe Chinese Yin by that time)? Some kind of concessions. A free hand to scrape Israel off the only miserable piece of sand they have on the whole planet? Let’s table that, at least for now. A don’t ask, don’t tell policy regarding the acquisition of nuclear technology? Iran just won’t share…well, they’re Shia, ya see, and we just don’t…anyway, what else ya got? How about those cute little tykes you brought with you singing that “Hope” song? They would make wonderful additions to our family here. Well, do you really have something to offer or is this another infidel trick?

They likely want the permanent partition of Jerusalem, for starters. Neither the establishment of Madrassas in the U.S. nor those ridiculous “hate speech” courts like in Canada would be a surprising request. Obama would think those are great ideas, but it would take a concentrated marketing effort of rhetorical misdirection to set them up in a short time…and he would get people on it quicker than a Bedouin can saddle a camel.

Demanding removal of all American presence from the soil where Mecca is situated is a given; that’s Bin Laden’s beef with his native country. So, maybe there is something to this “alternative fuels” push. The guys who can’t make enough gasoline while sitting atop an ocean of oil don’t inspire confidence in their production efficiency. If we leave from the whole area, bye-bye Mideast oil, hello, Canada and Russia. What do you mean, you’ll have to up the price? What does supply and demand have to do with anything? I thought we were friends?

If the Islamofascists have free reign, Saudi Arabia will turn into a domino set on a slant. The House of Saud is “sympathetic” (read: open to bribery) to U.S. interests, but plenty of that country’s citizens are sympathetic to Bin Laden, and don’t even need a bribe. They might even take the money and cut your head off for insulting their honor over the offer of one. Doesn’t Bin Laden see the House of Saud as corrupt? He’s right, of course, but that hasn’t stopped us from continuing to do business with them.
Obama would be amenable to removing all U.S. presence, and could do so with military personnel as soon as they could board the ships (just leave the other stuff…that’s right, we’ll take the tanks and aircraft). Removing civilians the locals might want there to keep up oil production, provide oil well services, and so forth…that might be another matter. It would be problematic under democracy, but we seem to be heading away from democracy. Under a socialist Obama regime, assuming Arabians would want civilians and all removed, it would be less problematic; have the military put American civilians under arrest and put them aboard the ships. That is what socialist states do.

No? If the Commander is Chief orders the Joint Chiefs, it will be done. Resistance is futile. The White House Chef might as well refuse to make POTUS a sandwich if he asks for one.

What else would Bin Laden want? Departure from Afghanistan, Iraq, Pakistan, and anywhere else us infidels might be defaming Muslim soil. Normally, all this would be subject to nuance, but these are no longer normal times. If the U.S. Treasury can’t back the dough we’re printing, bases and troop presence everywhere will likely reviewed for need, meaning maintaining security. But, Obama will bring the world together, right? What is there to fear in a peaceful world? Security for everyone is the overarching promise, right?

Hmmm…tell you what…let’s just sacrifice the bald guy and call it day.

Eddie Clements

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