Open Letter to Bay Area Newspaper Editors
By: John Lillpop
Once again, the editorial staff at your liberal-infested rag has delivered a full slate of election recommendations that would send any card-carrying communist into orgiastic overload.
Have you ever even considered a more moderate, pro-America stance, even if just for one election?
Still, there is virtue in being consistent, and, by damn, you folks have been consistently wrong, year after year for several decades now.
Although your choices are about as uplifting as lung cancer, there is an upside for those of us whom are too rushed and scattered to research the complex issues that always clutter the ballot in California.
Specifically, with your recommendations in hand, I can vote with the utmost confidence that my completed ballot will reflect the best opportunity for a free and prosperous America, for my family and future generations.
Best of all, I can make informed, pro-America choices without even bothering to read the ballots or the candidate resumes.
Indeed, by simply voting the exact opposite of what your confused editors advise, I can rest assured that I have done my meager part to keep America strong and the enemy subdued.
Thank you for providing this terrific community service!