Presidential “Wish List” for White House Mutt
By: John Lillpop
When he was not begging President Bush to mail a $50 billion check to auto moguls in Detroit, or planning to burn all of President Bush’s Executive Orders on the White House lawn, President-elect Obama was in secret meetings to discuss a major issue that has the potential to rip America to shreds.
The issue: Finding a suitable “mutt” to entertain the family and mainstream media for at least four years.
VP Joe Biden was initially considered for the role until his incontinence was disclosed. Finding a house broken mutt is an “absolute, non-negotiable must,” top-level officials on the Obama Transition team stressed.
White House criteria for the mutt were “leaked” to the press and include the following:
*Must be an orphan currently residing in an animal shelter, and scheduled to be put down (snuffed) before January 20.
*Undocumented (no papers) a huge plus!
*Must respond to commands in Spanish, Arabic, Russian, and Ebonics.
*Must be bisexual or gay, blind or sight impaired, deaf or hearing impaired, with a certifiable disabling limp in two or more legs, or an acceptable combination thereof.
*Must be able to detect right-wing reporters and Republicans based on smell alone, and be able to bite said interlopers with minimal supervision traceable to the president.
*History of being promiscuous with a diverse breeds of mutts a major plus!
*No allergies allowed.
*Must be color blind, and good with children.
Good luck to the Obama family as they work to settle this gripping issue that has all of America’s rapt attention!