Michael Jackson a Muslim? Who Would Have Thunk?


By: John Lillpop

Ladies and gentlemen, the King of Pop: Mikaeel Jackson!

Mikaeel? What is this, a cruel, sick joke?

Not really. You see the irrepressible Jackson converted to the Muslim faith and took on the new moniker in a private ceremony in Los Angeles recently.

What on earth could have motivated this one time devoted member of Jehovah’s Witness to switch?

For one thing, Jehovah’s believe that only 144,000 faithful will make it to heaven. Mikaeel is not dumb, so he realizes that all those late night rumblings with five and six year old boys at his ranch might disqualify him from being among the 144,000 most holy since Adam and Eve took up residency in that lovely garden.

For another thing, the king was piqued at fellow Witness and musical star Prince for slamming gays and gay marriage.

Which is not to be interpreted as saying anything about Mikaeel’s own sexuality–but honestly, now, how many 45 year old single men invite young boys to sleep overnight?

Finally, the 50-year-old with the bleached face was facing allegations of failing to repay nearly $15 million to Arab Sheikh Abdulla Al-Kalifa.

What better way to co-opt a Jihadist than by becoming one yourself?

Hell’s bells, for $15 million, I would gladly change my name to Johkaeel Al-Poplill, bow eastward five times a day, read the Koran once a week, and take on three or four wives!

So, I can readily understand what motivated Mikaeel.

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