W: Soon To Be Gone, But Not Forgotten!
By: John Lillpop
Most liberals in the mainstream media can hardly wait for the remaining days of the George W. Bush presidency to lapse so that the official deification of Barack Obama can commence.
However, once W. has actually departed the scene, the mirth and merriment at NBC, MSNBC, CBS, ABC, CNN, the Los Angeles and New York Times and other purveyors of anti-Bush hate speech shall surely give way to a devastating discovery.
Without George W. Bush to attack, belittle, denounce, ridicule, berate, insult, misunderstimate, kick, dump on, libel and slander, a vital life force will have gone missing!
Without W. to blame for everything from the vanishing dollar to cow flatulence and global warming, what purpose is there to life?
For the average liberal journalist, the haunting question will be:
Why even bother getting out of bed when the “main man” is a Marxist person of color who uses flawless English and cannot be counted on for an outrageous faux pau when a deadline is fast approaching and digging out “hard” news is not an option, given that magnitude 8 hang over to contend with?
Relax, liberal journalists everywhere! There is a solution.
That would be from Tom Ruprecht, a writer for the Late Show with Dave Letterman, and contributor to a number of other humorous publications.
Ruprecht has authored a Bush dump titled, “George W. Bush, An Unauthorized Oral History, ” which traces the life of W. from infancy to the present.
Ruprecht has created 16 chapters of made-up quotes
and reminiscences from W.’s parents, his twin daughters, Dr. Craig Thomas, the physician who slapped the “future president on the behind” at birth, to various officials in the Bush administration including Karl Rove and Dr. Condelezza Rice.
The author created this work with just one purpose in mind: Make George W. Bush appear to be a complete idiot and lazy scalawag to boot, while providing laughs, laughs, and more laughs!
To Ruprecht: Mission accomplished!
Although die-hard Bushies will blanch at the contents, “George W. Bush, An Unauthorized Oral History,’ is actually quite funny, a quick read, and worth the time and effort, especially if one is afflicted with a condition that limits one’s mobility for an hour or so (like diarrhea).
Some of my favorite quotes* include these:
“In 2003 President Bush came to England for a state visit. he seemed to enjoy being here. He told me that driving on the left side of the road reminded him of his drinking days.”
Tony Blair, British Prime Minister
“I’ll never forget coming out of the delivery room and informing George he had twins. He got a very worried look on his face and asked, “Are they the stuck-together kind?”
Dr. Craig Thomas, OBGYN
“Sir, I urge you to practice saying “Niger” a few more times before the speech. A mispronunciation like the one you made yesterday in the Oval Office yesterday would be catastrophic.”
E-mail from Karl Rove prior to the 2003 State of the Union
Lots of laughs on every page at W.’s expense. What else could a bored leftist with a word processor ask for?
* NOTE: These are NOT real quotes. They are attributable only to the decadent mind of Tom Ruprecht who clearly hates G.W. Bush, the South, America, and about 50 percent of all Americans!