W.’s Note to Barack Obama
By: John Lillpop
Following a ritual which has become a tradition in American politics, George W. Bush scribbled a farewell note to incoming President Barack Obama.
According to a report (reference 1) in Yahoonews, in part:
” Continuing a White House ritual, President George W. Bush left a note in the Oval Office for President-elect Barack Obama, wishing him well as he takes the reins of the executive branch.
“The White House on Tuesday declined to provide intimate details of the message the two-term Republican left for the incoming Democrat, saying only that Bush wrote it on Monday and left it in the top drawer of his desk.”
Although the White House would not reveal details of the Bush note, unidentified and completely unreliable sources have leaked the contents which are repeated below:
Date: January 19
To: Barack Obama
I am leaving this mushy note because if I scribbled what Cheney wanted me to, it would probably piss you off and screw up our “agreement.”
“That $350 billion bail out check is in the upper left hand drawer. I suggest you cash it ASAP because with Paulson in charge over at Treasury, Lord knows how much, if any, money is left in America’s account.
“Cheney will attend the inaugural in a wheel chair as you requested. Don’t quite understand how that is a metaphor for my administration, but we need those damn pardons!
“Once the check clears, FEDEX the pardon executive orders to me and Cheney. Do not tell Pelosi or Reid about until that damn check has cleared!
“There is lots going on in the world which is why I suggest you watch FOX news for all the latest. All of the other channels are biased so I had them removed from the cable set up.
“The trash and garbage are picked up first thing every Thursday morning. Recycled bottles, cans, and paper in the afternoon. Leave the containers on the Green curb just outside the Oval Office.
“Air Force One needs a tune-up and safety check as soon as possible–and as soon as you can pay for it. We used the 2009 Vehicle Maintenance budget to pay for my “surprise” visit to Iraq last month, so money is tight.
“You have a completely new crew of White House maids, cleaners, chefs, valets, and other service folk. We fired all the old black prunes and hired a bunch of old white prunes to take their places.
“It was Laura’s idea–she said it would be an appropriate gesture to signal a new direction. Personally, I found it silly, but what the hell do I know?
“Oliver Stone has threatened to put a lien on the White House because he says I owe him $700,000 for going “soft” on me in his grade B flick, W.
“Ignore the silly goof ball–I would not have made the deal had I known that the movie would have been such a putrid flop.
“Other than wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, the worst economic crisis in 80 years, the declining dollar, soaring unemployment, rock bottom consumer confidence, the war in Gaza, bankruptcy in Detroit, and new enemies in Russia, China, Latin America and all Muslim nations, I have tried to set it up so that your first 100 days are relatively stress free.
“After that you are on your own. It’s called taking responsibility, B.O.!
“Best wishes and call Hillary if you need help. Forget Biden, the man is as dumb as mud. Did you see his slap down of his crazy wife? Did you really consider that fool for Secretary of State?
PS: Don’t believe a word e-coli (Colin Powell) says. He called you a “house negro” behind you back!”