Today’s Headlines: The World Is A Scary Place!

By: Michael John McCrae

North Korea says they will retaliate if anyone messes with their “peaceful satellite” deployment. Intelligence has called this no more than a disguised offensive missile test for a possible nuclear-tipped warhead delivery system. The United States Navy is ready to blast any North Korean missile out of the sky if it a suspected “test” missile. It will be up to the President to make that split-second decision. I suggest to avoid having to act swiftly we might consider blowing up the missile before it is launched and then informing North Korea that OUR retaliation will be much more swift and complete than their threat. Why are we still messing around with a country that has never signed a peace treaty?

Iran is still creating nuclear fuel and our foreign-born-though-elected-usurper-in-chief still insists he may be able to find an equitable diplomatic solution. Now this “solution” will probably be at the expense of Israel. Obama has pledged 900 million dollars to rebuild the Hamas hideouts and tunnel systems so they will again have so-called “innocent civilians” to hide behind and with. Democrats have been visiting Syria with a passion, ignoring Hezbollah with similar passion, making letter overtures to Russia to help with the Iranian situation and have been trying to find new and better prison accommodations and paroles for Guantanamo Bay, Cuba terrorists.

Speaking of Cuba; a headline today informs me Obama will bring Cuba in from the cold and ease sanctions against the communists. I believe this is the very thing Hugo Chavez called for in his latest 5-hour speech. It seems our president is sympathetic to the plight of Cubans who can’t quite find a decent pair of blue jeans, and Americans who cannot find a fine domestic cigar.

Today’s “Geraldo At Large” featured the beating Bobby Brown gave his girlfriend, the “Bachelor” dump of the babe he asked to marry for that of another babe he thought he was in love with, the deaths of three at a hospital supported by some brand-named physician, the legalization of pot in California and the drug violence in Mexico. I think Geraldo is deliberately staying away from Obama because he knows a losing proposition when he creates one (i.e. Al Capone’s vault, sand-tabling military moves on national TV etc.). Geraldo did try, and failed, to recreate interest in the Michael Steel, Rush Limbaugh flap. I had no idea Geraldo was being included in Rahm Emmanuel’s teleconferences with Carville, Begala and Stephanopoulos.

I understand the lady who called 911 three times because a certain MacDonald’s ran out of MacNuggets is being considered for position in Obama’s cabinet for her daring action against a profiteering organization. Besides Wal Mart, MacDonald’s is one of the only corporations in America still making money and not accepting government bailout money: hence, it is now a major target of the ACLU! (Just kidding Mr. President!)

The American economy is being kicked it its collective nether regions and the American Congress is nit-picking over several thousand earmarks emplaced in the budget-busting, Obama spendulous package. Yes, Republicans have added some 40 percent-worth of non-stimulating porkage to the package so they are without shame here too. But Obama promised he would not sign any bill with massive earmarks attached to it. Well, how many earmarks make up a “massive”? Apparently, it is more than 8500!

Lest we forget, our president has already called for a 10 percent decrease in the defense budget, while Barney Frank insists it should be a 25 percent cut; while of course Iran and North Korea are testing their brand-new-Russian-supplied long range missile technology.

And don’t forget those Russian and Communist Chinese warships now merrily gliding through the Panama Canal, into the Caribbean ports of Venezuela, Cuba and Nicaragua. Is anyone paying attention to any of this stuff? We know at least one of our congresspersons is more concerned with swine odor and hog manure and I suppose those two things are more deadly than Russian nuclear-tipped weapons; especially on a hot summer day, but…!

Anyway America’s headlines are displaying an amazing dearth of hope and an incredible amount of pessimism. I am concerned for my country but I’m doing everything humanly possible to help. I am staying out of the hospital so as not to drain America’s depleted health resources. I am staying employed so I can continue to pay exorbitant taxes to support those waiting for redistributive unemployment benefits and to support my local public schools so they may continue to extol the virtues of multicultural and sexual awareness from kindergarten through grade twelve. I have paid off my mortgage in anticipation of having to pay the mortgages of others “less fortunate” than I.

I am keeping my personal carbon footprint out of America by working overseas in support of the United States Military because I love my country and if I stomp my carbon footprint over here in the Middle-East I may just help stomp some terrorist guy into his last radical Islamic breath!

I am not accepting food stamps or welfare because I want those who really would rather be supported by the government to get every possible redistributed dollar. I am not participating in tea party politics because I believe the streets should remain open and available for the coming bread lines and soup lines that the Obama-inspired New Deal will create.

And for next Christmas I have requested solar panels, a wind turbine, an electric car, rechargeable batteries and a large cloth bag for my shopping excursions to avoid the “paper or plastic” conundrum.

Lastly, I am offering to have my vasectomy reversed so I can contribute sperm to help create the millions of babies Obama wants to kill in the name of embryonic stem cell research. Is there any liberal willing to sacrifice as much?

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