Barack Obama Releases Statement on Samolian Pirates

By: Jim Byrd

Washington– The man-made disaster the U.S. shared with the Somalian pirates has come to an end. Captain Richard Phillips, who may or may not have been allegedly in the boat with four pirates against his will as the result of the man-made disaster, has been rescued by the U.S. Navy. Captain Phillips was able to separate himself from the man-made disaster by jumping overboard after irrationally not waiting on my nuanced pondering of the situation. If the Captain had only been aware of our dialoguing with the Somalian elders for their surrender and arrest, perhaps he would not have been so anxious to escape. But he is safe none the less. Unfortunately, three of the Somali pirates were killed by a nearby naval vessel as a result of our overseas contingent protocol of a “reactionary policy” only. The situation is under investigation as to whether or not Captain Phillips’ jumping overboard to rescue himself was cause for reaction.

I want to first make a heartfelt apology for the deaths of the three Somalians involved in the man-made disaster and overseas contingency plan. Concerned American citizens can rest assured the “detained” Somalian man-made disaster participant will receive the full power of the U.S. Constitution to preserve his rights as a human being; and he can also expect the additional rights that we Democrats have afforded “illegal aliens’ here in the U.S. and to all non-Christian religions. He has a lot of Hope and Change(TM) on his side now. Hopefully during the excitement and confusion of the man-made disaster, this pirate was read his Miranda Rights in English and Somali. The American public can rest assured, also, that the pirate will immediately receive his right to habeas corpus as opposed to the other administration that I will not name. Not to mention that Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano may have a little surprise in the way of some stimulus money for the poor chap if he gets to U.S. soil.

About The Author Jim Byrd:
Jim Byrd's website is A Skewed View.

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