What if Mary and Joseph had Socialized Medicine?

By: Craig Chamberlain

The left believes that socialized, single payer, health care is not only fair. But it is also efficient, safe, and competent. This being the Christmas season I wonder what socialized medicine would have been like for the birth of Christ. Here’s what it might have looked like.

“What’s your name?” a bored looking bureaucrat asked the very pregnant looking woman in front of him.


“What’s your problem?”

“I am great with child.”

“Who’s this with you?”

“This is Joseph.”

“And he’s your husband?”

“No, but we are espoused to be married.”

“So you’re single? Then I am legally required to give you these family planning pamphlets. The Roman Empire will pay for a free abortion. A young single mother like yourself really should consider such an option.”

“But this is God’s son,” Mary objected.

“Ah, a religious objection,” the bureaucrat said as he rolled his eyes. “Look, if you insist on delivering the fetus, I must inform you of regulations.”

“What regulations?” Joseph asked, interjecting himself into the conversation for the first time.

“First of all you may only use the doctor that we say you can use. Second you must go to the city of your birth to deliver the fetus.”

“That’s insane! We’d have to go all the way to Bethlehem. She might not make it.”

“I’m sorry, but those are the rules. If you had known the regulations you would have been better prepared. If your worried about travel you can always abort. Like I said, Rome will pick up the expense.”

“I’m not having an abortion,” Mary said indignantly.

“Then you have to leave,” the bureaucrat said. “Now go, I’m very busy.”

“We’d better get going ,” Joseph said to Mary as he loaded up the donkey.

By some miracle they made it to Bethlehem without Mary going into labor along the way. Mary and Joseph entered Bethlehem hispital where they found a very grouchy nurse sitting at the front desk.

“What’s your problem?”

“I’m about to have a baby.”

“Were you informed of our family planning options?”

“Repeatedly,” Mary answered wearily.

“And you’ve chosen to have the baby?”


“Fine, take these forms and have a seat,” she ordered as she handed Joseph about a dozen scrolls. “Dr. Cornelius will see you when he’s available.”

“Dr. Simeon is our normal doctor.”

“I’m sorry, but he’s not anymore. Rome won’t pay for him. Now fill out these papers.”

Joseph wrote furiously and finally finished these forms. “How much information do you people need?” Joseph exclaimed as he tossed the scrolls onto the desk.

The nurse flipped through the scrolls with a frown on her face. “I’m sorry, but the government won’t cover this. There simply isn’t any room for you here. Your going to have to leave.”

“We came all the way down here from Nazareth, and you won’t admit her?” Joseph shouted,outraged.

“We have the right to deny care to anyone we want. After all we’re paying for it,” the nurse said. “You’ll have to leave.”

At that Mary clutched her stomach and groaned. “I think it’s time.”

“Enough of this,” Joseph said in disgust. “I saw a manger on the way here. We’ll just go there and I’ll deliver the baby myself,” he said as Mary and Joseph left.

If Obamacare becomes law, future generations of Americans will probably be better if off if they’re born at home. Better that risk, than the security of socialized medicine.

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