Me for President


By: Brooks A. Mick

The last time I threw my hat into the ring, in 2008, I garnered four supporters. But this looks like an ABO year, anybody but Obama, and so I may do better. I tested the water on the WSJ blog, Best of the Web, and had eleven folks who signed on. So here goes.

My platform is simple. I’ve modified it a bit since 2008, mostly forced by circumstances, and the main circumstance is Obama himself.

1) Immediately give waivers not only to the requirement to implement Obamacare, but waivers allowing states, counties, municipalities, businesses, and individuals to ignore ANY legislation passed during the Obama administration. It’s all been harmful to the economy. We should objectively analyze the laws and executive orders in question and will likely have to start from scratch if we are to save the economy.

2) Repeal the 17th Amendment. This amendment turned the Senate into a committee of 100 panderers rather than statesmen. The job of being panderers was assigned by the Constitution to the House of Representatives. Instead, we have more statesmen now in the House than in the Senate. That’s just not right.

3) All laws must be in plain English, not lawyerese, and understandable by the average high school graduate. If people cannot understand a law, how can they be held responsible for obeying it? This might encourage improvement in our schools, by the way, as an increase in education level would allow our bureaucratic politicians to write a little more complicated laws, always their goal.

4) I also propose a new amendment to the Constitution: Congress may pass no law any funnier than the average Polish joke. (see footnote*)

5) We do NOT need a Balanced Budget Amendment. Heck no! We need a Budget Surplus Amendment! We need to start paying down the debt before it eats the entire economy alive. We can already see it nibbling away.

6) Cut the size of the federal government immediately by 50%. Start with all the provably harmful departments and committees and czars and other entities that are not authorized by the Constitution. The Department of Energy has worsened energy access and driven up prices, for example. The Department of Education has dumbed down generations of students. And so on.

7) No subsidies, no bailouts—no propping up failing businesses or bureaucracies by throwing taxpayer money at them. Let the free market re-allocate the capital.

8) Abolish the income tax and institute the FairTax Plan of Linder-Boortz.

9) Abolish corporate taxes. Corporate taxes do not tax corporations; they tax citizens, real carbon-based life forms, by raising prices for goods and services, decreasing wages, increasing unemployment, slowing the growth of pension plans, and decreasing the dividends to investors. Corporate taxes are not taxes on corporations. Corporations merely collect the taxes in stealthy ways and pass the money on to the government. This allows politicians to don their cherished class warrior costumes, much like Trekkies at a convention, and role play for the left-wingers and pseudo-populists, but it’s not good for the economy.

10) That is clearly enough tasks for anybody to undertake in their first week in office. After I’m elected and have accomplished the preceding, I’ll put out another list and the citizens can vote on them. I’m Brooks A. Mick, and I’m running for president. And my wife approves this message.

*This could be implemented easily: a) Use Jay Leno’s “Tonight Show” audience and laugh meter. b) Select someone with no charisma, someone who hasn’t already read the proposed bill, someone who lacks the intelligence to understand the law they are reading so they cannot put inflection into their voice to sway the audience, someone with no personality and no sense of humor—I suggest Harry Reid for that position—and have them read the bills and a sampling of Polish jokes and simply tabulate the average of the jokes versus the amount of laughter the proposed bill evokes. Simple.

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