Are Your Children in Emotional Upheavel? by Kerry L Marsala (8/16/04)

ABC's and 123's- all across this nation our public schools are reaping what we've so carelessly sown as parents.

There are sixth graders having sex before comprehension of consequences, and there are seventh grade students lying in hospital beds after a Wednesday morning "cat fight" at a local Jr. High School. We've first graders lashing out in anger at their teachers, and we've police officers being called in because fourth grade students are threatening their teachers with physical harm. Jr. Highs are practicing lockdowns as routinely as fire drills. High Schools have weapons and narcotic shakedowns on a regular basis to keep the students under control. Almost every campus in America-- from High School down to grade school-- have police officers patrolling their campuses, ticking their walks to the beat of our school time clocks.

America's children are exploding emotionally. What are we as their parents going to do?

As the teachers try and schedule conferences with the student's parents for the first time, the reasons for our problems become clear. The rising numbers of parents who don't show interest in their children's academic achievements or needs have quadrupled in the last couple of years. These children are falling quickly through the cracks and are being sucked down the abyss of, "No one cares about me, so why in the world should I care?" When a teacher calls repeatedly to meet with the parents or a parent, and the line of communication finally opens-- the answer from the parents is, "I've done what I can, it's your turn to fix them." Better yet many times the answer is "Well, I'll ask their doctor if we can just up their meds, then they'll behave better."

Fortunately we still have parents who are raising their children in stable, nurturing homes. They discipline their children with love, help them with their homework, back up the teacher's request to help their child excel, take them to social activities and monitor their friendships. The children of these parents are doing the best they can to help grow strong adults, but these children are mixed in with a growing majority of time bombs--labeled "troubled students." Plus, depending on what part of the country you live in, throw into this mixture of problem students' those who cannot speak English. Not only do we have children in classrooms who are easily distracted, constantly vying for attention (negative mostly), spewing out words of profanity, and dressing like cheap two dollar whores, but we also have those who cannot even read or write in English.

Surprised? This is all sitting in our classrooms daily-- our children completely lost and devoid of any chance of understanding why their parents have left them to their own devices. With 28% of our children under the age of 18 as of 1999 living in single parent homes, our society has created an atmosphere more often than not that fosters chaos and stress. This is not to say there aren't many single parents doing their jobs, some better than two parent households, but the general mirror is a reflection on how many of us as parents are behaving abhorrently. A group of Oregon scholars recently divulged in the Journal of Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Nursing that not only are the risks high for mental and emotional disorders increasing, but the number of public age school children are at risk for mental and socioemotional outcomes, this truly is alarming. When the studies compared single parent homes to their married peers, single parent homes were likely to report aggravation in trying to juggle bills, rent, daycare and with all these stresses being handled by a single parent the load at times causes the single parent mental problems. This study showed that children who are now developing these multiple mental health conditions are now carrying them to school. Their findings showed at times there's no single parent, in fact at times there's no parent at all. The Oregon scholars are seeing serious implications in the familial disintegration, which has now put six percent of children under the age of eighteen in grandparent-headed households. These grandparents are doing their best to respond to the problems of this parentless generation (brought on by divorce, incarceration, or child abuse); but many of these grandparents are often single and therefore are more likely to live in poverty.

When did we as the responsible adults decide that we'd just give birth to this human being, dress it up, play with it when convenient, call it our son or daughter, and then just hand it over to the world to deal with when we didn't want to deal anymore? How did we become so selfish and self-centered? Where did it become okay not to take care, love and nurture your own flesh and blood? Why when children misbehave do we automatically feel we must run to the doctor and demand a pill to control their behaviors? Are we raising a generation of children on "Mother's little helpers?" We must be, because it would seem we don't want to deal with behavioral problems at all. According to a recent study released by, CMDA News and Views on 8/19/04, ADHD is hard to diagnose, but once diagnosed can be treated. Many of our children may be suffering from bipolar disorder. If we continue to react though to what our public schools report home about behavior problems and not deal directly with the individual patient we are misdiagnosing and treating unfavorably problems or pseudo problems. Many of the cases of behavior problems can be contributed to substance abuse used by the mother when pregnant or by a chaotic living environment. Our nation is looking at a growing problem of children who are at mental risk.

We know that at times some children and adults aren't wired right and they need medicines so they can "reconnect" or restore the brains neurons correctly. But it would seem that pill popping our children because we can't cope with being parents has become the 21st century cure all for discipline. I don't have the time to spank Johnny when he needs it. I don't have time to sit and help Samantha with her homework. I don’t have time to meet Scott's new friend from school. I don't have time to shop with my daughter, Sheila, so I just give her my credit card and trust her judgement. I, I, I,…it's all about "I don't have the time…" or maybe better yet- I am just too selfish and I don't deserve these precious gifts that were given to me. Self-centered and parenthood seem to go hand in hand in today's society, so just give my kid a pill would you?

What do you think these lost children of today are going to do without a loving caregiver? How can we as parents expect anything out of our youth today when we won't invest in them? We'll invest in stocks, plastic surgeries, manicures, dye jobs, shopping excursions, career climbing, sports cars, oversized houses, but we won't invest in our children. We won't invest in the most important production we decide to create. Could it be possible that in order to have overall academic success as well as emotional health that we need to return to marital and family commitments? With a return to stability in the home, where mother and father work together as a unit, could we resolve the explosion of mental and behavioral problems were are seeing in today's youth?

What will happen to these uncared for children of today? What will they become without someone to love them and show them the way? Oh, these kids today, they are survivors. They'll find ways to obtain love- pregnancy out of wedlock-several times over- abortions- moving from relationship to relationship- drugs, alcohol, psychiatrist couches, mental hospital wards, performing another Columbine, and quite possibly the sad repeat of the next generation who will be raised to put "I" first before anyone or anything else. To what end will our cities, states, countries, and world become, because no one will take the time to love their children?

Our children are ready and waiting for us, what are we waiting for? Hell and fury or just the next hour they're scheduled to receive their "magic" pill?