SENATOR KERRY TO THE RESCUE

(Mr. Daley is the Owner of the Daley Times-Post.  To view more of Mr, Daley's writings please visit his site)

The presumptive Democratic presidential nominee, John Kerry, once said “I would turn over to the U.N. legitimate authority for the civil reconstruction, for the humanitarian mission, and for the governance [of Iraq].”

There was a time when I probably would have agreed with this sort of plan, but I stopped smoking pot twenty years ago, and started paying attention to what the U.N. is really all about. Suffice it to say that I have become less and less impressed, over the course of my adult life, with the “international community” and its capacity for dealing with anything in a straightforward and productive manner. When the U.S. isn’t involved, the U.N. is about as effective at confronting the end results of human depravity and despotism as a group of pygmy marmosets. Don’t get me wrong, I like marmosets quite a bit. They’re comical little buggers and at least they don’t ask you for money. The U.N., on the other hand, is only funny in that wholly disturbing way that Richard Simmons is, and you won’t see more bums with their hands outstretched if you spend a week wandering the streets of downtown San Francisco.

Sure, we’d all like to think of the United Nations as being some wondrous, unifying entity, enriched by the essential goodness of humanity and devoid of corruption; a genuinely honorable gathering of the best of our planet’s most inspired benefactors. What decent human being doesn’t dream of such a utopian enterprise? Yet if you take a good look at the folks who attend meetings of the U.N. General Assembly, you can’t help but wonder if most of them would be able to hold down a job handing out smiley-face stickers at Wal*Mart. These people look like grim little file clerks who only got where they are because their uncle is president of the company and owed their dad a favor.

If the United Nations was even one tenth the force for good that it was intended to be, I might be able to support it. Unfortunately, there’s such a thing as the real world. In the real world, the United Nations is a largely contemptuous organization run by commies, fascist and a colorful assortment of drug dealers and livestock molesters. In the real world, U.N. members promote their agenda at the expense of other members, exhibiting little interest in world peace or even acceptable hygiene practices. In the real world, nations are too self-absorbed to be united in a common cause, and their representatives don’t play well with others unless, of course, a bunch of them agree to chip in and buy the more troublesome of the group a prostitute for the weekend. In the real world, it’s a dog-eat-dog existence, and the mangy little mutts sniffing around the chow line get their ears bitten off by snarling rench poodles and German shepherds on a routine basis. In the real world, the Nixon administration seems perfectly inviolable when compared to the United (oil-for-bribes) Nations, and anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is either mentally unbalanced, hopelessly naive or a liar.

Which brings me back to John Kerry. Is it this guy’s serious contention that we should turn over the entire reconstruction effort to the very people who prolonged the unspeakable suffering of countless innocent Iraqis for years just so they could pad their wallets, and then did everything in their power to stop us from intervening and exposing their corruption? Does Mr. Kerry also think we should let NAMBLA members run daycare centers? Heck, why doesn’t the good Senator just propose relinquishing authority over that country to Osama Bin Laden right now
and be done with it? It would save a lot of time, and at least John McCain would have something legitimate to bitch about for a change.

I know that President Bush is trying to work out some sort of deal with certain U.N. members concerning their limited involvement in the post-war renewal plan, but he’s probably only doing that to slow the raging torrent of criticism washing over his administration by the international (socialist) press. While I am somewhat disappointed in him for caving in to the demands of people like Jacques ChIraq (sp?) at this stage of the game, I guess I can’t blame him too much for trying to appear diplomatic in the face of such overwhelming criticism of his
administration. At least he hasn’t suggested that we allow the Axis of Weasel to take over completely and screw up everything we’ve worked so hard to accomplish over the course of the past fourteen months.

Kerry, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to give a damn what becomes of the Iraqi society in the coming years, just as long as he can look like a true internationalist (socialist puppet) and ride into the Oval Office in November on his multi-lateralist steed. Actually, seeing that he’s a Democrat, it would likely be a multi-lateralist donkey that he rides in on, but what’s one more liberal jackass in the White House more or less? Whatever the case, John (I don’t need no stinking convention) Kerry is clearly more interested in saying and doing whatever it takes to get elected than formulating a viable plan for the future security of Iraq.

Here’s an idea, how about we appoint Ted Kennedy to head the Iraqi interim government... maybe let out a few of Saddam’s old uniforms for him to wear just to help him look the part. Nancy (the war is unwinnable) Pelosi could be his Vice President in charge of morale, and Bill Clinton could oversee activities at Iraq’s Al-Zafarania women’s
prison. We could also let Hans Blix be Ted’s public relations secretary. Blix could spend the next year or so explaining to the Iraqi people why removing Hussein from power in the first place was a bad idea and combing the desert in search of Kennedy’s integrity.


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