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Less Exciting Than A Car Wreck By Jeff Jackson (10/05/04)

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Up early last Wednesday morning to get to work at my first job, I was sitting in traffic on the Parkway West inbound to Pittsburgh. Now, like many of the major highways around America, the Parkway West inbound during morning rush hour is bumper to bumper especially where on-ramps dump even more and more industrious and hard working people from side street traffic onto the overly crowded Parkway. And today was no different.

Except for one place that is.

Usually, right before the Squirrel Hill Tunnels where traffic from Swissvale merges cars usually come completely to a stop. The reason for this is that, as already stated, trying to cram even more cars onto an already overly crowded road naturally stops traffic, but also people in and around Pittsburgh seem to have a strange phobia of tunnels that causes them to slow from 55 mph to 10 mph only to accelerate back to 55 mph halfway through the tunnel. It happens every time.

But not today. Today, despite the typical Parkway traffic and typical Pittsburgh drivers everywhere else, traffic zipped by the Swissvale on-ramp, barely slowing. The traffic zipped by and past three lonely Kerry/Edwards supporters holding signs, apparently not overly concerned with getting to any job that they might have.

Now, in Pittsburgh, a minor fender bender that has been off to the side of the road for the past hour without any police on the scene is enough to bring traffic to a standstill for 5 miles. In Pittsburgh, traffic slows down for a discarded mattress resting squarely over the guardrail because of curious onlookers. But put three Kerry/Edwards supporters holding signs high and advertising for some pro-Kerry rally during rush hour and traffic just zips on by. No honking. No rubbernecking. No nothing, except feet on the gas trying to get by as quickly as possible.

How is it possible that John Kerry’s candidacy garners less interest than a 1988 Chevy Cavalier with a four inch dent in its bumper or discarded furniture? How is it possible that in the heart of the rust belt where Democratic social programs are king that people do not even slow down to read the signs of three Kerry supporters promoting a rally that could not be read at 50 mph as we zipped along?

Ladies and gentlemen, I have said many times that the Kerry/Edwards campaign was a car wreck as all of the disparate special interest groups club at one another for favor and to be those that set policy if heaven forbid they should win. I stand corrected. Even a car wreck in Western Pennsylvania gets more respect and more attention than John Kerry. The Kerry campaign is not a car wreck. It is a dead, bloated deer that has been setting on the side of Interstate 79 for 2 weeks. No one stops to look at the dead dear anymore because we have passed it every day on the way to work. And no one stopped to look at John Kerry’s supporters either because we have seen it all before as well.